Florida Weather



April 30th

Florida Is Fantastic!
Just Got Here And Love It Already
Now This Is A State That Knows How To Live!!
Beautiful Sunny Days And Warm Balmy Evenings
What A Place!
Watched The Sunset From A Park Lying On A Blanket
It Was Beautiful
I've Finally Found My Home
I Love It Here

May 14th

Really Heating Up
Got To 89 Today
Not A Problem
Live In An Air Conditioned Home And Drive An Air Conditioned Car
What A Pleasure To See So Many Sunny Days

June 5th

Had The Backyard Landscaped With Tropical Plants Today
Lots Of Palms And Rocks
What A Breeze To Maintain
No More Mowing For Me
NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW EITHER!
Another Scorcher Today But I Love It Here

July 1st

The Temperature Hasn't Been Below 90 All Week, Not Even At Night
Where Are Those Ocean Breezes We Heard About
It Still Seems Hot
Getting Used To
It Will Take A While, I Guess
I Sure Miss My LP Collection, Though
I'll Have To Remember Not To Leave Anything Made Out Of Plastic In My Car
Got One Of Those Fuzzy Steering Wheel Covers
It Was Cheaper Than The Burn Ointment For My Hands
I Always Wondered What Burnt Flesh Smelled Like

July 15th

Fell Asleep By The Pool
Got 3rd Degree Burns Over 60% Of My Body
Missed Two Days Of Work
What A Dumb Thing To Do
I Learned My Lesson Though
Got To Respect The Ole Sun In A Climate Like This

July 20th

I Miss Our Cat, Tabby
He Snuck Into The Car When I Left This Morning
By The Time I Got Out To The Hot Car For Lunch, He'd Swollen Up To The Size Of A Shopping Bag And Just As I Opened The Door He Exploded All Over $2,000 Worth Of Leather Upholstery
I Told The Kids He Ran Away
The Car Now Smells Like Kibbles And Poop
No More Pets In This Heat!

July 25th

Ocean Breezes, My Ass
Hot Is Hot!!
The Home Air Conditioner Is On The Fritz
The AC Repairman Charged $200 Just To Drive By My House
He Didn't Even Stop
He Called Me On His Cell Phone To Tell Me He Needed To Order Parts
My Only Hope For A Break In The Heat Would Be A Hurricane

July 30th

Been Sleeping Outside By The Pool For Three Nights Now
Swatting The Swamp Mosquitoes That Are As Big As B-52's
$1,500 In Darn House Payments And We Can't Even Go Inside
Why Did I Ever Come Here?

Aug 4th

100 degrees
Finally Got The Air Conditioner Fixed Today
It Cost $500 And Gets The Temperature Down To About 90
The Electric Bill Is Almost As Much As The House Payment
And Two Old Lady Drivers Almost Ran Me Off The Road
I Hate This State

Aug 8th

If Another Jerk Cracks, "Hot Enough For You Today?"
I'm Going To Tear His Head Off
Damn Heat
By The Time I Get To Work The Radiator Is Boiling Over
My Clothes Are Soaking Wet And I Smell Like Roasted Pig

Aug. 10th

The Weather Report Might As Well Be A Damn Recording
Hot And Sunny
It's Been Too Hot For Over Three #@*& Months
The Weatherman Says It Might Really Warm Up Next Week
And Who Came Up With The Statement "It May Be Hot
But At Least You Don't Have To Shovel Snow"
May They Die From Heat Exhaustion
Doesn't It Ever Rain In This God Forsaken Place??

Aug. 14th

Welcome To Hell!!!
Temperature Got To 102 Today
Forgot To Crack The Window And Blew The Windshield Out Of The Lincoln
The Installer Came To Fix It And Said, "Is It Hot Enough For You Today?"
My Wife Had To Spend The $1,500 House Payment To Bail Me Out Of Jail

Aug. 30th

Worst Day Of The Summer
I'm Not Leaving The House
The Monsoon Rains Finally Came
All That Did Was To Make It Muggier Than Hell
And It Drove The Damned Roaches Out Of The Ground
I Wasn't Aware That They Could Fly!
Lincoln Is Now Floating Somewhere In The Caribbean With Its New $500 Windshield
That Does It
We're Moving Back To New Jersey
All You Have To Worry About There Is Getting Mugged
I Hope This State Breaks In Half And Floats Down To Cuba





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