Kissing



The Sunlight Claps The Earth
And The Moonbeams Kiss The Sea
What Are All These Kissings Worth
If Thou Kiss Not Me?

Percy Bysshe Shelley
(1792-1822)

Then I Did The Simplest Thing In The World
I Leaned Down
And Kissed Him
And The World Cracked Open

Agnes De Mille, B.
1905

A Kiss Is Something You Cannot Give Without Taking
And Cannot Take Without Giving

Author Unknown

You May Conquer With The Sword
But You Are Conquered By A Kiss

Daniel Heinsius
(1580-1655)

The Decision To Kiss For The First Time Is The Most Crucial In Any Love Story
It Changes The Relationship Of Two People
Much More Strongly Than Even The Final Surrender
Because This Kiss Already Has Within It That Surrender

Emil Ludwig
(1881-1948)

That Farewell Kiss Which Resembles Greeting
That Last Glance Of Love Which Becomes The Sharpest Pang Of Sorrow

George Eliot [Mary Ann Evans]
(1819-1880)

The Moment Eternal
Just That And No More
When Ecstasy's Utmost We Clutch At The Core
While Cheeks Burn, Arms Open
Eyes Shut, And Lips Meet!

Robert Browning
(1812-1889)

There Is The Kiss Of Welcome And Of Parting
The Long, Lingering, Loving, Present One
The Stolen, Or The Mutual One
The Kiss Of Love, Of Joy And Of Sorrow
The Seal Of Promise And Receipt Of Fulfillment

Thomas C. Haliburotn
(1796-1865)


There Was An Irishman An Englishman And Claudia Schiffer
Sitting Together In A Carriage In A Train Going Through Tasmania

Suddenly The Train Went Through A Tunnel
It Was An Old Style Train
There Were No Lights In The Carriages And It Went Completely Dark
Then There Was This Kissing Noise And The Sound Of A Really Loud Slap

When The Train Came Out Of The Tunnel
Claudia Schiffer And The Irishman Were Sitting As If Nothing Had Happened
The Englishman Had His Hand Against His Face
It Looked As If He Had Been Slapped There

The Englishman Was Thinking

"The Irish Fella Must Have Kissed Claudia Schiffer
But She Missed Him And Slapped Me Instead"

Claudia Schiffer Was Thinking

"The English Fella Must Have Tried To Kiss Me
He Must Have Actually Kissed The Irishman And Got Slapped For It"

The Irishman Was Thinking
This Is Great!

"The Next Time The Train Goes Through A Tunnel
I Will Make Another Kissing Noise And Slap That English Idiot Again"

Author Unknown


Kissing The Stone

A Group Of Americans Were Touring Ireland
One Of The Women In The Group Was A Real Pain
She was Constantly Complaining
The Bus Seats Are Uncomfortable The Food Is Terrible
It's Too Hot, It's Too Cold And The Accommodations Are Awful

The Group Arrived At The Site Of The Famous Blarney Stone
"Good Luck Will Be Following You All Your Days
If You Kiss The Blarney Stone," The Guide Said
"Unfortunately, It's Being Cleaned Today
So No One Will Be Able To Kiss It
Perhaps We Can Come Back Tomorrow"
"We Can't Be Here Tomorrow," The Nasty Woman Shouted
"We Have Some Other Boring Tour To Go On
So I Guess We Can't Kiss The Stupid Stone"

"Well Now," The Guide Said
"It Is Said That If You Kiss Someone Who Has Kissed The Stone
You Will Have The Same Good Fortune"
"And I Suppose You've Kissed The Stone," The Woman Scoffed
"No, Ma'am," The Frustrated Guide Said

"But I've Sat On It"


Author Unknown


Wife Suddenly Had An Urge To Live In The Past

"You Used To Kiss Me"

So He Leaned Over And Kissed Her

"You Used To Hold My Hand"

So He Reached Out And Held Her Hand

"You Used To Bite Me On The Back Of The Neck"

He Got Up And Walked Out Of The Room

"Where Are You Going? His Wife Asked

"I'm Going To Get My Teeth" He Answered

Author Unknown


Women Remember The First Kiss They Ever Got
Long After A Man Has Forgotten The Last!

I'm Sentimental About Kissing
I'm Good At It Too
And It Must Show
When I Walk By
People Say
"Wow
What A Kisser!"

When Some Women Get Kissed
They Have A Quickening Of The Impulse!

I Once Got Beaten Up For Kissing The Bride After The Ceremony
It Was Three Years After The Ceremony!


A Kiss Is A Strange Thing
A Small Boy Gets It For Nothing
A Young Man Has To Steal It
And An Old Man Has To Pay For It!


A Man Sent His Wife A Letter
Which Ended With A Check For A Thousand Kisses
The Next Day, The Mailman Cashed It!

A Secretary Was Transferred From One Branch Of A Company To Another
When She Reported For Work, Her New Boss Told Her
"Do Exactly What You Did In The Last Office
She Started To Take Off Her Lipstick!

A Lot Of Women Fight Back When You Try To Give Them A Kiss
But Most Of Them Just Take It Lying Down!


A Young Woman Was Talking About Men To A New Roommate
And Explaining Her Philosophy Of Life And Love
The Roommate Said, "What About Kissing?"
The Young Woman Said, "I Just Kiss The Men I Know And Those I Like"
"That's Just About Everybody, Is There A Difference?"
"Well, Those That I like, I Help Out!"


A Man Was On Trial For Stealing A Young Lady's Purse In A Movie Theater
Put On The Stand, The Young Lady Explained What Had Happened
"Just Before The Picture Started, He Came In And Sat Next To Me
Before I Knew It, He Was Sort Of Rubbing His Hand Against Mine
When The Picture Began, He Came Closer And Kissed Me On The Cheek
Soon He Was Kissing Me On The Lips
The Next Thing I Knew He Was Gone
My Purse Was Gone Too"

The Judge Said

"While He Was Doing All That Kissing
Why Didn't You Call For The Manager?

The Young Lady Said
"I Didn't Know That He Wanted My Purse!"

Author Unknown


A Man Was Having A Passionate Affair With His Best Friend's Wife
As They Made Love
The Wife Said, "Kiss Me, Kiss Me"
The Man Said
"Kiss You?
I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This!"

Author Unknown



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