COPS 1

And Then There Were "IDIOTS"



"Idiot From "Up North"

A man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM
He flashed a gun and demanded cash
The clerk turned him down
He said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order
The man ordered onion rings
The clerk said they weren't available for breakfast
The man, frustrated, walked away


Idiots Retail

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase
The clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt
So I signed the credit card in front of her
She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt
As luck would have it, they matched


Idiots In The Neighborhood

I live in a semi-rural area
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road

The Reason

Many deer were being hit by cars
He no longer wanted them to cross there


An Idiot's Idiot

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania
Interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head
And connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier
Police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed


A Louisiana Idiot

A man walked into a Circle-K
He put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
He then asked for all the cash in the register
The clerk promptly provided him with the money
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled
He left the $20.00 bill on the counter
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?

$15.00


An Arkansas Idiot

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window
He would grab some booze and run
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head
He was knocked unconscious
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas
The whole episode was caught on videotape


New York Has A Few Idiots

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran
The clerk called 911 immediately
The woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher
Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher
They put him in the car and drove back to the store
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID

To which the thief replied
"Yes, Officer
That's her
That's the lady I stole the purse from"


Seattle Siphon Idiot

A man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street
He got much more than he bargained for
Police arrived at the scene to find the man ill
He was curled up next to the motor home near spilled sewage
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
He had plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges
He said that it was the best laugh that he'd ever had


Idiots In Ireland

This is just too funny not to share
Excerpted from an article which appeared In the Dublin Times
About a bank robbery on March 2

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight
Their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately

The robbers, expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables
They were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination
Inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding
As recorded on the bank's audiotape system, one robber said,
At least we'll have a bit to eat

The robbers opened up a second safe
It also contained nothing but vanilla pudding
The process continued until all the safes were opened

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit
Each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach

The Next Day The Newspaper Headline Read

Ireland's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed Early This Morning




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