Christmas In Indiana



Dear Diary

December 8th

It Started Snowing
It It Was The First Of The Season
The Wife And I Prepared Some Wonderful Hot Buttered Rum
We Sat By The Window Watching The Soft Flakes Drift Down
Beautifuly Clinging To The Trees And Covering The Ground
What A Lovely Sight To Behold!

December 9th

We Awoke To A Lovely Blanket Of Crystal White Snow Covering The LandScape
What A Fantastic Sight!
So Exhilarating!
Every Tree And Shrub Was Covered With A White Mantle
We Shoveled Snow For The First Time In Years And Loved It
Later A SnowPlow Came By And Covered Our SideWalks And Part Of The Drive
The Driver Smiled And Waved
We Waved Back And Shoveled It Again
The Christmas Spirit Is Certainly Alive And Well In Indiana

December 10th

It Snowed An Additional 5 Inches Last Night
The Temperature Has Dropped To Around 11 Degrees
Several Limbs On The Trees And Shrubs Snapped Due To The Weight Of The Snow
We Shoveled Our Driveway Again
Slowly Afterwards, The SnowPlow Came By And Did His Thing Again
Much Of The Snow Is Now Brown

December 11th

Warmed Up During The Day To Create Some Slush
Which Soon Became Ice When The Temperature Dropped Again
Bought Snow Tires For Both Cars
Fell On My Butt In The Driveway
$145.00 For A Chiropractor, But Nothing Was Broken
More Snow And Ice Is Expected

December 12th

Still Cold
I Sold My Wife's Car
I Bought Her A 4X4 In Order To Get Her To Work
I Slid My Car Into A Guard Rail
I Did A Considerable Amount Of Damage To The Right Quarter Panel
Had Another 8 Inches Of White Crap Last Night
Both The Car And The 4X4 Were Covered In Salt And Crud
More Shoveling In Store For Us Today
That Damn SnowPlow Came By Twice Today

December 13th

It's 2 Degrees Outside, More Freakin' Snow
Not A Tree Or Shrub On The Property That Hasn't Been Damaged
The Power Was Off Most Of The Night
Tried To Keep From Freezing With Candles And A Kerosene Heater
The Kerosene Heater Tipped Over And Damn Near Burned The House Down
I Managed To Put The Flames Out But Suffered Second Degree Burns
I Lost Most Of My Eyelashes And Eyebrows
The Car Slid On Ice On The Way To The Emergency Room And Was Totaled

December 14th

GoshDarn Freakin' White White Crap Keeps On Coming Down
Have To Put On All The Clothes We Own Just To Get To The Freakin' Mailbox
If I Ever Catch That Son-Of-A-Gun That Drives That SnowPlow
I Will Fry His Butt Over An Open Flame
I Think He Hides Around The Corner And Waits For Me To Finish Shoveling
Then He Comes Down The Street About 100 Mph And Buries Our Driveway Again
The Power Is Still Off And The Toilet Froze
Part Of The Roof Has Started To Cave In

December 16th

It Stopped Snowing, Now We Have Freezing Rain
Went Outside And Fell On My Butt On The Driveway
Luckily, All That I Hurt Were My Feelings

December 17th

It Stopped Raining, The Temperature Is 28 Below Zero
It Is Starting To Snow Again

December 18th

It's Still Colder Than A Well Digger's Butt
It's 22 Below In The A.M.
The Icy Roads Make For Very White-Knuckled Driving

December 20th

We Had Another 14 Inches Of The White Crap Last Night
More Shoveling In Store For Us Today
The Damn SnowPlow Came By Twice Today

December 22nd

We Will Be Assured Of A White Christmas
13 More Inches Of That White Crap Fell Today
With Freezing Weather It Probably Won't Melt Until August
I Got All Dressed Up To Go Out And Shovel
Boots
Long Johns
SnowMobile Suit
Scarf
Earmuffs
Hat
Goggles
And Gloves
Strange I Had A Wicked Urge To To Take A Leak

December 23rd

I Was Going To Go Ice Fishing Today But The Worms Froze
I Didn't Want The Fish To Break Their Teeth On My Freakin' Bait

December 24th

If I Ever Catch The Son Of A Gun That Drives The Damn SnowPlow
I Will Run Him Over With His Own Snow Plow

December 25th

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

HO HO FREAKIN' HO!

The Weatherman Predicts 20 More Inches Of This White BullCrap
I Wonder?
Do They Know Just How Many Shovels Full Of This White Crap 20 Inches Really Is?

ButtHoles

Screw Santa
He Doesn't Have To Bust His Butt Shoveling This Crap
He Has His Elves Do It For Him

The Snow Plow Driver Came By Today
He Asked For A Donation For Toys For Tots
I Wrapped Him So Freakin' Hard Upside His Head With My Snow Shovel
It Will Be Christmas In July Before The Son Of A Gun Remembers His Name

December 26th

Guess Who In The Hell Got 28 Inches Of Snow Last Night?
I Think That I'm Gong Blind Or Getting Severe Cabin Fever
Because The Wife Is Starting To Look Really Fine To Me!

December 27th

The Silly Ass Toilet Froze Last Night
If You Go Outside Our House
Don't Eat The Yellow Or Brown Snow

December 28th

It Was So Cold Last Night
All The Water Pipes Froze

I Should Probably Sell Tickets
Then My Neighbors Can Ice Skate In My Living Room
Damn It!
This Sucks!

December 29th

I Set Fire To The House Today
Now Let's See That White Crap Cling To My Roof!!

Author Unknown



Well Bobbie The California Girl
You Have Moved From California To Ohio To Indiana
Are You Tired Of The Snow And Cold Weather Yet?????




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