Christmas Humor




The Little Angel On The Top Of The Christmas Tree!


One Particular Christmas Season A Long Time Ago
Santa Was Getting Ready For His Annual Trip
But There Were Problems Everywhere
Four Of His Elves Got Sick
The Trainee Elves Did Not Produce The Toys As Fast As The Regular Ones
So Santa Was Beginning To Feel The Pressure Of Being Behind Schedule
Then Mrs. Claus Told Santa That Her Mom Was Coming To Visit
This Stressed Santa Even More

When He Went To Harness The Reindeer
He Found That Three Of Them Were About To Give Birth
Two Had Jumped The Fence And Were Out At Heaven Knows Where
More Stress

Then When He Began To Load The Sleigh One Of The Boards Cracked
The Toy Bag Fell To The Ground And Scattered The Toys
So Frustrated
Santa Went Into The House For A Cup Of Coffee And A Shot Of Whiskey
When He Went To The Cupboard
He Discovered That The Elves Had Hid The Liquor
There Was Nothing To Drink

In His Frustration, He Accidentally Dropped The CoffeePot
It Broke Into Hundreds Of Little Pieces All Over The Kitchen Floor
Santa Went To Get The Broom To Clean It Up
He Found That The Mice Had Eaten The Straw It Was Made Of
Just Then The Doorbell Rang And Santa Cussed On His Way To The Door
Santa Opened The Door
There Was A Little Angel With A Great Big Christmas Tree

The Angel Said, Very Cheerfully
"Merry Christmas Santa
Isn't It Just A Lovely Day?
I Have A Beautiful Tree For You
Isn't It Just A Lovely Tree?
Where Would You Like Me To Stick It?

Thus Began The Tradition Of The Little Angel On Top Of The Tree

Author Unknown



Can You Guess The Christmas Songs?
Answers Are Shown Below After All The Questions

1. Quadruped With Crimson Proboscis

2. 5 P.m. To 6 A.m. Without Noise

3. Miniscule Hamlet In The Far East

4. Ancient Benevolent Despot

5. Adorn The Vestibule

6. Exuberance Directed To The Planet

7. Listen
Aerial Spirits Harmonizing

8. Monarchial Trio

9. Yonder In The Haystack

10. Assemble
Everyone Who Believes

11. Hallowed Post Meridian

12. Fantasies Of A Colorless December 25Th

13. Tin Tintinnabulums

14. A Dozen 24 Hour Yule Periods

15. Befell During The Transparent Bewitching Hour

16. Homo Sapien Of Crystallized Vapor

17. I Merely Desire A Pair Of Incisors

18. I Spied My Maternal Parent Osculating A Fat Man In Red

19. Perambulating Through A December Solstice Fantasy

20. Aloft On The Acme Of The Abode


ANSWERS BELOW




1. Rudolph
The Red-Nosed Reindeer

2. Silent Night

3. O Little Town Of Bethlehem

4. Good King Wenceslas

5. Deck The Halls

6. Joy To The World

7. Hark The Herald Angels Sing

8. We Three Kings

9. Away In A Manger

10. Come All Ye Faithful

11. O Holy Night

12. I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas

13. Silver Bells

14. The Twelve Days Of Christmas

15. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

16. Frosty The Snowman

17. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

18. I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus

19. Walking Through a Winter Wonderland

20. Up On The Rooftop



What Do Elves Learn In School?
The Elf-Abet!

What Kind Of Bird Can Write?
A PENguin

Did You Hear That One Of Santa's Reindeer Now Works For Proctor And Gambel?
It's True....Comet Cleans Sinks!

What Do You Call A Bunch Of Grandmasters Of Chess
Bragging About Their Games In A Hotel Lobby?
Chess Nuts Boasting In An Open Foyer!

What Do You Call A Cat On The Beach At Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!

Why Did Santa Spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because The Angel Had Said,"No L!"

What Do You Call People Who Are Afraid Of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic

What Do Snowmen Eat For Breakfast?
Snowflakes

Why Does Scrooge Love Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer?
Because Every Buck Is Dear To Him

What Do You Get If You Deep Fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle

BOBBIE
What Did The Ghosts Say To Santa Claus?
RICK
We'll Have A Boo Christmas Without You

ELF NO. 1
What Did Santa Shout To His Toys On Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2
Okay Everyone
Sack Time!!

If Athletes Get Athletes Foot, What Do Astronauts Get?
Missletoe!

What Did Adam Say On The Day Before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve

Why Did They Let The Turkey Join The Band?
Because It Had The Drum Sticks

What Did Tarzan Sing At Christmas Time?
Jungle Bells

What Kind Of Fish Does Santa Find In A Birdcage?
A Perch

Why Do Giraffes Get Christmas Gifts Every Year?
They Are So Good That They'll Stick Their Necks Out For Anyone

Why Did The Elf Push His Bed Into The Fireplace?
He Wanted To Sleep Like A Log

Why Does Santa Claus Go Down The Chimney On Christmas Eve?
Because It Soots Him

What Can Santa Give Away And Still Keep?
A Cold

What Do You Do If Santa Gets Stuck In Your Chimney?
Pour Santa Flush On Him

What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite

What Do You Get When You Cross An Archer With A Gift Wrapper?
Ribbon Hood

What Did The Gingerbread Man Put On His Bed?
A Cookie Sheet!

Who Sings "Love Me Tender"
And Makes Christmas Toys?
Santa's Little Elvis

What Is The Cow's Holiday Greeting?
Mooooory Christmas!

What Does Santa Like To Eat?
A Jolly Roll

Where Do Santa's Reindeers Like To Stop For Lunch?
Deery Queen

How Does Santa Claus Take Pictures?
With His North Pole-Aroid




The 3 Stages Of Man
He Believes In Santa Claus
He Doesn't Believe In Santa Claus
He Is Santa Claus



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