Dog Musings

Ten Commandments For A Responsible Pet Owner

1.
My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years
Any separation from you will be very painful

2.
Give me time to understand what you want of me

3.
Place your trust in me-it is crucial for my well-being

4.
Don't be angry with me for too long
Don't lock me up as punishment
You have your work
Your friends
Your entertainment
I have only you

5.
Talk to me
Even if I don't understand your words
I understand your voice when it's speaking to me

6. Be aware that however you treat me
I Will never forget it

7. Before you hit me
Remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand
But I choose not to bite you

8.
Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative
Ask yourself if something might be bothering me
Perhaps I'm not getting the right food
I've been out in the sun too long
Or my heart may be getting old and weak

9.
Take care of me when I get old
You too
Will grow old

10.
Go with me on difficult journeys
Never say, "I can't bear to watch it"
Or "Let it happen in my absence"
Everything is easier for me if you are there
Remember I love you

Author Unknown


Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it
It's mine

2.
If it's in my mouth
It's mine

3.
If I can take it from you
It's mine

4.
If I had it a little while ago
It's mine

5.
If it's mine
It must never appear to be yours in any way

6.
If I'm chewing something up
All of the pieces are mine

7.
If it just looks like mine
It's mine

8.
If I saw it first
It's mine

9.
If you are playing with something and you put it down
It automatically becomes mine

10.
If it's broken
It's yours

Author Unknown


How Dogs And Men Are The Same

1.
Both take up too much space on the bed

2.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning

3. Both mark their territory

4.
Neither tells you what's bothering them

5.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous

6.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches

7.
Neither does any dishes

8.
Both fart shamelessly

9.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut

10.
Both like dominance games

11.
Both are suspicious of the postman

12.
Neither understands what you see in cats

Author Unknown


How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1.
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public

2.
Dogs miss you when you're gone

3.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong

4.
Dogs admit when they're jealous

5.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out

6.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch
They never laugh at how you throw

7.
You can train a dog

8.
Dogs are easy to buy for

9.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas
OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies
But there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you

10.
Dogs understand what "No" means

11.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you

Author Unknown


Top Ten Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman

10.
A dog's parents will never visit you

9.
A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor

8.
A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink

7.
A dog never expects you to telephone

6.
A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday

5.
A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life

4.
A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog

3.
A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day

2.
The later you are
The happier a dog is to see you

1.
A dog does not shop

Author Unknown


Life Lessons Learned From A Dog

1.
If you stare at someone long enough
Eventually you'll get what you want

2.
Don't go out without ID

3.
Be direct with people
Let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes

4.
Be aware of when to hold your tongue
And when to use it

5.
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap

6.
Always give people a friendly greeting
A cold nose in the crotch is effective

7.
When you do something wrong
Always take responsibility
As soon as you're dragged out from under the bed

8.
If it's not wet and sloppy
It's not a kiss

Author Unknown


And Things Dogs Have To Remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

The garbage collector is "NOT" stealing our stuff

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur "BEFORE" entering the house

I will not eat the cats' food
Before or after they eat it

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house
When I am about to throw up

I will not throw up in the car

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her behind

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones
Or my people will think I am hemorrhaging

When in the car
I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside

We do not have a doorbell
I will not bark each time I hear one on TV

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back-yard with it

The sofa is not a face towel
Neither are Mom and Dad's laps

My head does not belong in the refrigerator

I will not bite the officer's hand
When he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration

Author Unknown





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